Shutdown Fears Cure ED – Really

(This is not an April Fool’s joke).

Grizzled old-timers in federal offices are, suddenly, hot property! They bring added value to the workplace.

Over the last couple of months seasoned seniors have truly become objects of interest to some of their younger colleagues. This is a sea change for the ancient ones whose birthday cakes are a major contributor to global warming.

Previously invisible when promotions are made and training assigned, the government vets are suddenly appreciated, rather than mocked, for their institutional memory and survival instincts.

Until recently, and thanks to Congress, many older employees were quietly mocked for their lack of skills. Many can’t or won’t tweet. A large percentage suffer from various forms of ED (electronics dysfunction).

Now, thanks to the on-again-off-again threat of a government-wide shutdown, workers who survived the 1995-96 shutdowns intact are in demand.

Instead of eye-rolling when a shutdown survivors waxes eloquent on the Clinton years, younger employees–many of whom have seen their TSP accounts tank and their houses lose value–are all ears when the ancient ones speak. Like now. Not me, but others. In fact here are some memories and survival tips from been-there-done-that shutdown survivors:

• “…I believe a shutdown will be harder on people this time around. For one thing traffic is so much worse causing our cars to guzzle more expensive gasoline…During the shut down in the 90’s I was the only one working and had just gotten all my children out of school. My husband had been unable to work for some time so we had nothing to put away. At that point I think is when I realized that no matter what I had coming in I had to start putting back a little each payday which I did. Previously I did not think I could afford to put money away each pay day. (I would put back any extra, like a tax refund or gift money). I begin to put back a little more each time I could and that helps to not feel like you cannot make it when you have no income.” T.M.
• “Both my husband and I are feds. In the 1995-96 shutdown he was deemed essential, and I was not. This meant that at least we knew that one of us would get paid, but it did cause us to cut back on all non-essential purchases. Not great for the local economy for sure. I had plenty of time to wrap Christmas presents that year while home on furlough, and the first two weeks seemed like a holiday vacation. But after the New Year it was really starting to get frustrating. It was then that I took to calling various members of Congress daily to let them know that the situation was ridiculous and that I would remember it come voting time. I considered those calls to be a civic duty, I mean shutting down the government because elected officials cannot or will not reach a compromise that represents the best interests of the country, really? If a normal person did not perform their duties they would likely lose their job, but elected officials must consider themselves different. Finally, after almost three weeks a deal was reached, and we were told to go back to work. That is where God stepped in, a higher authority that wanted to send a clear message to our elected officials about who was really in charge. God promptly brought upon the Washington area a pair of blizzards that shut down the government for all but one day of the first week that us feds were told to return. The ultimate score ended up as follows: God 1 – Elected Officials 0 – American People 0.” K.T.
• “During the Great Shutdown of 95-96 and before we had children my husband and I adopted the motto: If they give you lemons, make lemonade. We did a very uncivil servant like thing. We pawned his trumpet, scraped together some money and headed for a winter vacation in Ocean City. Never did it before or since. But it was wonderful. We came back to DC just in time to get buried by the blizzard. It was a great winter. To Congress I say bring it on!” H.J.

To reach me: mcausey@federalnewsradio.com

Nearly Useless Factoid
by Suzanne Kubota

According to the USDA, there are about 540 peanuts in a 12 ounce jar of peanut butter.

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